A friend from Vienna died in a bike accident. He was a grad student from our batch. We weren't that close, but the sheer thought that someone can die like that is shocking and terrifying. I feel quite messed-up today.
For a long time I remembered the few days I spent in India, some while ago. I remembered dad's eyes.
Funny as it seems like now, for 25 years of my life I had always, somewhere deep inside me, believed in a supernatural being surveilling my life quietly. It had made me feel safe. It had given purpose and meaning to my life.
So, for the last 6 months or so, I have been feeling all off-balance and sick and terrified of my life and things that can happen. How ignorance is a bliss, sometimes. I wish I could at least have the illusion of safety - it was powerful. But the magic has really died and one cannot do much with a corpse. I honestly tried very hard many times.
I have concluded that the biggest failure in human imagination is that it is by default incapable of believing in chances, and chaos, and butterfly effects. In a way, I guess, it was an evolutionary advantage to be able to recognize patterns so well. But it had this major pitfall, you see, that humans tend to even imagine patterns that do not exist. The theory of evolution took so many years to digest anyways. And, yet, still, so many people get it wrong.
Recently I had been arguing with folks on how religion has killed more people than anything else. But then, I do agree humanity would have found other reasons for violence even if religions died.
But I had been also passionately arguing on how God does not exist. On that, I have to say I have changed my mind today.
God does exist:
in human brains.
And, for the rest of us, who have God-shaped-holes in our brains, I wanted to tell you One Important Thing:
Even if God does not exist: love does exist. And, you know what? 'Spirituality' is but about celebrating the sprit of humanity - the sheer fact that you wouldn't even know, how, and who, and why, but there will always be some people out there, ready to help you out, to hold you in their arms as you break down, trying to not let you tear apart.
You have to watch out for those people and you maybe will play that role for some others. Hey, that's beautiful, right?
