Surrender

I woke up,
Solitary,
In a lazy afternoon-
With the rain pouring down the tin roof
The wind, mischievously,
Flicking through my open diary:
And my second life:
Fidgeting
Hesitating
And then blushing, oblivious-
At the sudden supply of oxygen.

I woke up-
Solitary,
And sat-
Thinking about useless things,
Nostalgic about never happened relationships
Consoling,
Promising…………….
That made no sense

But strangely
I never felt a moment of loneliness
And could easily ignore the telephone, the fax,
The cat, the radio, the fever…

I sat solitary,
And stared:
As the rain blatantly touched my diary
Trying to persuade,
And rummaged wildly
For something between the lines.
Then enervated,
Smacked me left and right
And I broke into inconsolable tears
Of an emotion, I cannot explain.

And I sat solitary,
Feeling stupid.
As to how I came to know:
In the most insignificant way-
That I loved you.

My Struggle to be Someone

Those fragments of pointless thoughts-
Will always chase me like a breathless wind:
And there’s this winter mist-
That fills my eyes with memories-----------
I thought have shattered.
My mind loves doing crosswords-
With what I call:
Colourless emotions-
Aimless thoughts-
Worthless confessions:
They drive me to this lividness:
-----------I cannot explain.

I struggle but cannot overlook:
The beauty of the neon
Over wet streets
The odour of the earth
‘Fore thunderstorms
Or the nuance of dewdrops
O’er green grass.


And then I sit,
Helpless:
Under stary skies,
Under half moons,
Absorbed in shallow thoughts-
Nothing deep….

But the virgin inside-
Longs for a monsoon of colours
Protests without words-
Wildly.

At the dead hours of night
That ugly emotion swells up-
Histrionic , threatening.
Scolding-
As to how I should not be
Who I am
But what I must be.

But then,
Outside the window-
The street lamps shimmer:
Over empty streets
Over stray dogs
Over dry leaves
And the wind tries
Its swan song….
But lasts.

My watch respires as always,
Not a moment slow.
Not a moment fast.