Dear Dad

People die in weird ways

Dad, when you were reading
war stories in death bed,
were you preparing to die?

How does it feel
to know that the world
will dissolve suddenly?
How much did your
heart break?

I am thinking of you
Thoughts come to people in weird times

I am thinking of you
In a coffee shop
Because I read about children dying in Syria
And then I thought of the book you read
Which I read after you had died

The book you read?
That I read after you had died?
I read it very tenderly
I touched and smelled it
more than I usually do
I talked to myself about it
I remembered the little things
the bits you had shared with me,
pages you had re-read.

I just miss you way too much now
perhaps only because they are playing
jazz in the coffee shop

perhaps because I am generally sad these days
knowing that
life is meaningless and strange.