When I want to hold you

You trickle like sand from 

The gaps between my fingers

When I want to feel you

Wish you would feel me too again, 
You say you are so wounded
And you wound me, by not wanting
To tame me when I am wild, anymore


You want me to be
Free, when I
Want to submit, be yours


It is so suffocating
To not be suffocated
In love


Do you not miss anymore
The gap between my fingers?

come back.

Ending

I see you have died

I do not know when

You started dying

Slowly, quietly,

Like a whisper under the rug

Baby, you died.

Break-up

I want to:

catch the next train to Kolkata.

go for an early morning tram ride

have piping hot langcha from Bancharam

sleep next to my grandmother on that small bed

I am:

 tired of laughing to hide my tears

However:

there's no however.

I thought I was not alone, walking here by the shore,
But the one I thought was with me, as now I walk by the shore,
As I lean and look through the glimmering light—that one has utterly disappeared,
And those appear that perplex me.

-WW.

YOU

I want to do to you

What rain does to evenings

What sun does to dew 

And you know that there are few

As transparent and perplexing

And as strange,so when I hold you

Every morning you are new

Like a flame in old beginnings

Or a shimmering bubble of dew

And at nights when you're blue

Counting the number of sad buildings

I play around to distract you

Feeling your face, to construe

The love you hold for endings,

Or your tears that swell like drops of dew, 

To you, I want  to be true

And to all seasons that sway in your musings

I want to memorise you, I want to do to you,

What sun does to a bubble of dew

YOU

I want to memorise you

To hold you like a cluster of sunflowers in mornings

I want to do to you what rainbow does to morning dew

You know that there are only a few

With your whiffs of rivers and rainy evenings

I want to memorise you

When every morning you come to me, new

Like a sudden splinter in old beginnings

I want to do to you what rainbow does to morning dew

And at nights when you're suddenly blue

Counting the number of sad buildings

I want to memorise you

Feel your face and construe

The love you hold for endings

I want to do to you what rainbow does to morning dew

To you, I want to be true

And to all seasons that sway in your musings

I want to memorise you, 

I want to do to you what rainbow does to morning dew

It has been exactly one year that I had put you through what I had put you through.And as an old rule of nature, I am going through exactly what you had gone through one year back. I am not as strong as you are and I cannot get through, however, this pain. It rips me apart and puts my soul on fire.

I do not have anyone to share this with. I do not know how to put words to the feeling. I feel like shutting down and rebooting all over. I feel like running away.

I donot know how you moved on. It is so hard. It is so hard.